I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
