i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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