I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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