I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
