Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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