But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
