I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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