Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
fuck your aforementioned shoe
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
