i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
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You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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