Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
