I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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