We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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