It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
