Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
