I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
