I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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