dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
