I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
