I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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