dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
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I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
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I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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