what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
