I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
sex in a hospital.. check
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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