sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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