She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
