Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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