I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
