i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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