I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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