He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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