he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
