I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
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I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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