Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
