literally had 100 drinks last night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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