oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
