I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
