Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
