You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Help. Why am I so naked?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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