I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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