he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
