I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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