even my farts smell like vagina
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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