I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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