My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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