I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
