Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
