my phone needs a breathalizer
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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