I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
