Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
