he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
