If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize