I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dick very happy bro
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
