Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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