What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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