i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize