'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
