were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
