so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
