his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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