we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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