i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
