arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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