mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
