Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
