3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
