Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
