He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
