dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
