so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
