U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
