so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
