We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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