just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
