Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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