apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
