Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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