I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
