It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
