Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
