i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
