I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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