I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
