I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
