There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
