I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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