Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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